Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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