Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Acid is not a monday night drug
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
