He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
