I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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