It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
