Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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