So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
