Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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