just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Someone came in the potted fern
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
