The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
