We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
