Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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