Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
