Your dad touched me again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize