Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize