The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
