I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
