you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I checked into jail on foursquare
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
