someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Threesome in a minivan. New low
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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