those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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