i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
