Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
