The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
