i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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