Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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