You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
