I'm really into asian looking animals
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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