And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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