remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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