just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
