He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
