I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
