How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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