I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
