well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
