So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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