I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
