I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
