just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
