you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
