he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
