i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
