Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
