Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
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