Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
