I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
