lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
