First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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