I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My penis needs a shock collar
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
