we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
