Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
