Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
