My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
