we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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