Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
