I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
