why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
