woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
zippers are such a cool invention
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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