Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
