I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Someone signed my nipple.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
