I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
