both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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