Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
