So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
