Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
