If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
