Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize