hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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