someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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