I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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