Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
