I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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