a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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